Get a life

Work/Life Balance: Are We Asking the Wrong Question?

A highly successful HR executive motions to his spouse as he lies near death on his bed in the hospital and whispers into her ear, “I wish I had spent more time at the office.”

No, I don’t believe any of us wish this to be our last words on earth but many of us are currently living our lives as if it were. And many of us are complaining about it. We are very good at creating the life we don’t want and not very good at creating the life we do want.

Words Have Power
Before we proceed let’s indulge in some semantics that will help us to gain a new perspective on this very old problem of work/life balance. Let’s examine the term “work/life balance”. Presented in this way “work” is one half of our lives and “a life” is the other half. Work is part of our lives, not the flipside of our lives or something separate all together.

There are times, such as during the annual review process or an important board presentation, that work consumes our every waking moment. But ask yourself is this temporary or ongoing? What many of us are seeking is life balance and by using that term we can put the problem in its proper perspective. Now ask yourself “Am I satisfied with the balance in my life?” If the answer is “yes” then just keep doing what you are doing. If the answer is “no”, then keep reading.

We Are All Different
The same work circumstances can impact each of us in different ways.

Let’s imagine three HR professionals who are all working approximately 50 hours a week and on most days would tell you they love what they do. What IS different between the three is their level of satisfaction with the situation.

HR Pro #1 is very satisfied with her life balance and does not have a not problem with the number of hours she is working each week. She actively chooses this path, but interestingly enough she does face opposition from others in her department who believe that life balance means working fewer hours.

HR Pro #2 is very dissatisfied with the amount of time available to do other important things in his life, and would like to reduce the number of hours he is working. He feels trapped and thinks, “as a manager I must work a lot of hours and that is just the way it is.”

HR Pro #3 is satisfied with her weekly workload, but wishes that her schedule were less rigid so that she could integrate work around other important activities in her life. She too feels trapped but for a different reason. She thinks, “In HR we don’t schedule work around the other things in the my life. Everything else gets scheduled around my work.”

None of these HR professionals are wrong; it is just that they define life balance differently.

Each of us has a different definition of what life balance is. Each of us can choose to have the life balance we want. None of us are victims here. If we are dissatisfied with the balance in our life we have made the choices that got us here. It’s About Choice.

The choices that we have made in terms of life balance may not have been conscious ones. And that may be the problem. Let’s use the “Stop-Challenge-Choose” process to examine the life balance in our lives.

STOP– What is your definition of life balance? A definition for you right now. Not the definition you used in college or before you were married or before you couldn’t climb the stairs without breathing hard.

For many of us the reason we don’t have what we want is that we have not clearly defined what it is. Look at the level of satisfaction with all areas of your life: your health, your marriage, your relationship with your children and other family, your personal growth, your professional satisfaction, your physical environment. If you aren’t satisfied, ask yourself: How would I like it to be different? How will I know when it is different – the right balance has been struck? When I am in balance what will I have gained and what will it cost me? Be as specific as possible with your answers. Less than concrete answers will allow you to continue on the same unsatisfying path – you can’t satisfy needs that are undefined or vague.

CHALLENGE – What choices will you need to make to get the life balance you want?

Be real here. There will be tradeoffs. Can you commit to those tradeoffs? Making these choices won’t be easy. Financial freedom and the passion for our work often collide with each other. Add to that the “shoulds” that others impose on us.

How you react to your circumstances is up to you. Each of us makes our own choices. Are your choices deliberate and helping you to actively move towards more balance in your life or are you passively maintaining the status quo? Ask yourself: What choices do I need to make to achieve the balance I want? What tradeoffs do I need to make? What am I willing to say, “yes to” and what am I willing to say “no to”?

CHOOSE  – Once you have challenged the lack of balance in your life it time to choose the path you want. Put into action the choices you have made. Break down the changes you will make into small chunks. To move toward action ask yourself: What can I do or stop doing, right now to move to the balance I want? What are realistic time frames for my immediate and long-term life balance goals? What structures will help me to maintain/safe guard the balance I want? Where do I need to ask for help? Who do I need to ask for help from? What is the one thing that I need to continually monitor that will set me back in my life balance goals?

There are only 24 hours in each day. We can’t borrow or trade for more. Everywhere we look there are messages that “we can have it all.” We can’t. So stop trying. Time is limited; we must choose. Either we make life happen or life happens to us.

Which it is for you?