When Co-Workers Go Bad
In school, the class bully left you with empty pockets. In the corporate world, the bully can cause even more damage - ranging from severe emotional distress and sluggish work to stalled career progress. What's worse: Despite hoards of office initiatives and formal legislation, bullying is still creeping its way into the workplace.
Nancy Shenker, founder and principal of theONswitch, a marketing company specialising in start-ups, said she was once the victim of a bullying boss who loved to publicly berate her.
"I finally scheduled a private meeting with him and told him quite simply that his behaviour was affecting my work performance, that I felt demoralised and embarrassed," she said. "I went so far as to tell him that if I really was so incompetent, we should call human resources into the meeting to work out a severance package or start writing me up," she said.
Her boss admitted he had no intention of firing her, and their relationship improved.
According to the Workplace Bullying Institute's website, bullying is more prevalent in today's workplaces than sexual harassment and racial discrimination. Approximately one-in-six US workers have directly experienced destructive bullying in the last year.
Women are most often on the receiving end of the workplace abuse, according to the Workplace Bullying Institute. Although 58 percent of bullies are women, they make up 80 percent of targets. "Targethood hinges on two characteristics: a desire to co-operate and a nonconfrontive interpersonal style," the organisation's website states.
Standing up to the bully may not be as difficult as it seems, said Kerry Patterson, co-author of the bestselling books "Crucial Conversations" and "Crucial Confrontations."
"If you know what to say and how to say it, you can speak up and keep the risk of retaliation to a minimum," he said. Patterson offered these tips to keep the office bully at bay:
- Don't be rude in return.
Replying with a snide remark means stooping to the bully's level, and the problem could escalate.
- Assume the best.
Instead of assuming your co-worker is intentionally being rude or inconsiderate, assume he/she is unaware of how his/her actions are affecting you. For example, when someone cuts in line in front of you at a movie theatre, say something like: "I'm sorry, were you aware that we've been standing here in line?" Presuming innocence avoids an accusation and gets the conversation started off right.
- Separate intentions from outcome.
If your co-worker publicly calls you something offensive, before you respond in-kind, ask yourself: "Why would a decent, rational human being say something like that?" Then, approach your co-worker and say, "I'm sure you didn't intend this, but when you call me ‘honey' it makes me uncomfortable."
- Start with the facts.
When you feel constantly offended by someone's behaviour, it's easy to feel victimised or become convinced the bully is out to get you - but this could lead to a nasty confrontation.
Before you confront the bully by talking about your feelings or making conclusions, stick to the facts: "Often in our team meetings, you demean my ideas. Today, you called my idea stupid." Then proceed to your conclusion, and ask your co-worker for feedback.